The Middle can be marvellous

The Middle can be marvellous from Head of Middle School Mrs Jaye Ross

Many parents would be aware of the warnings about the early years of adolescence. 

We are told these are the years where hormones go crazy and there are big mood swings, but in my experience as the Head of Middle School at Fairholme, it is also a time of excitement because it is when they start to change from children into the young adults they are going to become.

They begin to realise what is important to them, and they think about who they want to be and what is worth spending their time on and it is when they decide which parts of themselves they are willing to leave behind in childhood.

It is probably when they will first fight for something they believe in and it is when they will first be devastated by a relationship breakdown with friends or family members. 

In short, they are challenging years but the challenge is worth it because out of these years comes the young adult version of themselves and that is an

marvellous time to be a part of someone’s life whether that is as a parent or other family member or as a teacher.

So, how do you enjoy and make the most out of your daughter’s years in the Middle and how can you support her so she learns to make safe and healthy decisions for herself?

Here are a few tips I’ve picked up over the years:

• Put boundaries in place for their social media use and screen time but allow these to stretch slowly each year as they grow towards the ages of 16 or 17. Start as tight as you can manage when they first receive a phone and make decisions together about how each year these restraints can be slowly lifted as they mature and are more able to manage their own time on technology.

• Stay involved in sport and hobbies and show an interest in what they are interested in. Keeping them busy and engaged with others helps them to stay connected and able to continue to build connections with their school and peers.

• Keep your praise focused on their efforts and commitment to things rather than about their actual results or success. This is true for academic results as well as their success in Sport or The Arts. This helps to curb any tendencies towards perfectionism and also decreases their stress levels and anxiety about having to succeed to please their parents (or teachers).

• Try really hard not to solve all their problems for them or to rush in to make their path easier. When parents take control of a situation, the message the child receives is that their parent thinks they can’t manage it on their own and aren’t capable of solving the concern. Try to give suggestions for ways they might tackle the challenge without stepping in and doing it for them. The amount of learning they get and the sense of achievement they feel when they succeed in solving a problem is enormous – resist robbing them of this opportunity.

• Give them responsibilities at home. This helps them learn that we all contribute to looking after ourselves and the home we live in and that this job does not just fall to the adults. Even when they are busy studying and working, adolescents need to learn skills like cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, mowing, washing the car etc. They will soon be doing these things after school finishes and it will help them enormously if they are already used to these responsibilities.

• Encourage them to do regular study, homework and revision and make sure there is time in their schedule. Although sport and hobbies are important, it is always more important to ensure they have a focus on learning. Show an interest in what they are doing and offer to read over assignments but resist taking the pen in your own hand to make significant changes. If you give too much input you will send them a message that you think they can’t do the work.

• Keep them reading! Suggest books for them and buy books for them. Read books yourself that you think they might like and then pass them onto them. It is so important for mental health but also their literacy development.

• Keep them exercising and eating a balanced diet. Make sure the focus is on their physical and mental health and not about their weight or appearance.

• Prioritise time at school. Make every effort for them to be at school every single day that school is on. Every aspect of school is important including sports carnivals and choral competitions and last days of school. These sorts of events are golden opportunities for your child to feel a part of their wider school community and to connect with their peers and teachers. Every lesson has learning in it and so try hard to only book family trips in the holidays and minimise appointments during school time. At this age, school is your daughter’s job and you’re probably hoping that she will have a strong work ethic and understands the importance of fulfilling responsibilities – attending school every day will help her to learn this approach to her adult studies and work places.

• Encourage their friendships by asking their friends over to your home as often as you can on weekends and holidays. Having solid relationships with her peers will help her self-confidence and so do your bit to give her opportunities to solidify these friendships by spending time together outside school. Weekends and holidays are busy times for families but make sure there is time with friends in the mix.

• Encourage her to spend time with extended family. Having strong bonds with people you trust will help her when your relationship with her is strained.

• Above all, tell your daughter that you love her just as she is including all her amazing strengths and also her weaknesses.

Enjoy the years your daughter spends in the Middle School. These years can be absolutely marvellous!